7 Tips From a Lazy Psychologist Mom That Parents Around the World Are Thankful For (2024)

How? It’s astep-by-step process that requires patience.

• The potty should always beinthe same place where achild can easily seeit. Never force the child tosit onapotty.
• Inthe beginning ofthe training, don’t forget topraise your child every time they sit onthe potty. The result isirrelevant atthis point: itdoesn’t matter ifthey actually left something inthe potty orifthe child did you afavor and just sat onthis weird object with their pants off.
• You can also try toput ateddy bear onthe potty and tell fairy tales about how characters enjoy wearing dry pants. And that’s it! The rest isjust amatter oftime.

From the book AnIndependent Child orHow toBecome “ALazy” Mother byAnna Bykova.

• Hide all the things they can’t touch from the child.
• Show the child anew bright object orpromise todosomething else even more exciting. Ialways carry abottle ofbubbles withme, aballoon thatI can blow upinthe case ofanemergency, orsmall and cheap toys.
• Scissors are adangerous toy for akid and ifthey really want totouch them, it’s fine tolet them doit— but only ifmom controls the process. Having too many taboos irritates the child and limits their development.
• Try the approach, “Ofcourse, we’ll doitbut we’ll have towait until later.” or“Yes, but...” Itworks like this: “Ofcourse, we’ll play, but let’s get some sleep first.”
• Ifyou need tostop agame tofeed your child, suggest feeding atoy first. For example, ifyou want tomake your young “builder” stop building and have lunch, don’t say “Leave your building set and let’s goeat.” Just announce that the construction team ishaving alunch break.
• Suggest analternative and the child will behave the way you want. For example, you could ask: “Will you pick upyour toy soldiers orcars first?” Unfortunately, this technique doesn’t work for long. After acertain age, the child can and probably will refuse toperform both actions.

Ifyou’ve failed toprevent atantrum, you can dothe following:

• Shift your child’s attention tosomething else.
• Come upwith acalming routine. Asarule, most families develop their own calming routine over time. Itcan bethe same rhyme, fairytale, orgame. For example, mom can gently blow onthe child’s eyes todry their tears. Oryou can give the child some “magic” water that will calm them down.
• Just ignore this behavior. Ifyou’ve already tried other methods and there are nohealth risks involved (like anepileptic orasthmatic seizure), you can leave the child alone tocry for alittle while orjust ignore their screaming. Don’t scold your child orlock them upalone inaroom, just share your feelings: “Ithink you just want tocry right now... When you’re done, we’ll [offer todosomething fun].”

Food isabasic human need. Imagine that you’ve “forgotten” tofeed anewborn. They’ll let you know about how hungry they are with aloud scream and won’t calm down until you feed them. The child knows best when and how much they should eat.

• When you offer the child varied and colorful food, remember the psychology behindit: the most important thing istonot try topersuade them. Let your child become really hungry. The appetite isalways better when it’s associated with positive emotions.
• Ifyou let the child take part inthe cooking process, give them anopportunity totry different ingredients and pick products atthe supermarket, you’ll never face problems with poor eating again.
• And when you want togive your child more food than they actually need, just take some time and think: “Why doIdo that? Isitabout the stereotypes from the past? DoIbelieve that weshould never have anything left onthe plate? OramI afraid that the child will still behungry?” The child isn’t anenemy tothemselves and they have astrong connection with their bodies. They’ll eat when they’re hungry. Feeding the child byforce isn’t the best way toexpress parental love.

• Ifthe child isn’t eating anything atmeals, don’t let them have snacks between them.
• Try toavoid products with taste boosters and artificial flavors. When the child gets used tothem, healthy food will taste stale.
• Give the child fewer sweets.
• Walk more often and make your child more active. This will have apositive influence onthe appetite.

Your child may have difficulties with falling asleep because they’ve developed the habit offalling asleep while crying, they perceive sleep asapunishment, orthey feel anexaggerated importance when itcomes tofalling asleep ontime that was created bytheir parents.

I’d like toshare with you myown observations and methodsI used whenI worked inakindergarten class.

• Body-oriented therapy. Isat onthe chair next tothe child’s bed. Iput one hand ontheir thigh, gently fixing their legs, and the other one ontheir shoulder. Then Imade very gentle swaying movements. This technique allows them toachieve muscle relaxation, aswell ascalm down the nervous system.
• Joint breathing. With myhands onthe child’s body, Itried tomimic their breathing. Igradually started tobreath deeper. Then Iswung the child abit. Thanks toslow deep breathing and flicking motions, the children fell asleep quickly.
• Dull reading. When Iread abook, Iinserted phrases about relaxation and falling asleep inthe text: “And then the bear said... I’ll sit onthe stump... Eat mypie... Lie onthe grass... Take anap...” Itisessential toread slowly onexhalation, with pauses tomake your breath smooth and gradually slow down the pace ofyour speech. Ifyou dothis right, you’ll notice aslowdown inthe breathing ofyour listeners.

• Come upwith asymbol ofacalm sleep. Itcan beatoy that the child will hug when falling asleep. And it’ll beeasy for them tofall asleep not only intheir own bed, but inany place.
• Move toanew bed together. Ifthe child has been sleeping with their parents, the mom can sleep with them intheir new bed inthe beginning. This way the child will get used tothe new bed together with their mother, and then will eventually beready tofall asleep alone.
• Increase motivation. Ifpersonal motivation isn’t strong enough, it’s essential tofind new sources. You can pick out new bed sheets orsome other accessories together with your child: glow inthe dark stars for the ceiling, acute nightlight, and adream catcher are perfect options.

Illustrated by Xenia Shalagina

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